Caregiver Tip of the Month

This anonymous poem has been floating around the Internet for a long time, but with today's focus on aging, it is surfacing more and more.

The story begins:

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Tampa, Florida, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.

Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.

What do you see nurses? ... What do you see?
What are you thinking ... when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man, ... not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, ... with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food ... and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice ... "I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice ... the things that you do.
And forever is losing ... a sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not ... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding ... the long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? ... Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse ... you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am ... as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, ... as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten ... with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters ... who love one another.

A young boy of sixteen ... with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now ... a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at twenty ... my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows ... that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five, now ... I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide ... and a secure happy home.
A man of thirty ... my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other ... with ties that should last.

At forty, my young sons ... have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me ... to see I don't mourn.
At fifty, once more, ... babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children ... my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me. ... My wife is now dead.
I look at the future. ... I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing ... young of their own.
And I think of the years ... and the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man ... and nature is cruel.
'Tis jest to make old age ... look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles ... grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone ... where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass ... a young guy still dwells,
And now and again ... my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys. ... I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living ... life over again.

I think of the years ... all too few ... gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact ... that nothing can last.
So open your eyes people, ... open and see.
Not a crabby old man. Look closer ... see ... ME!!

Our visitors ask ...

Q. Is it possible to discover what type of power of attorney my sister has in relation to my father? Is it public record, and how would I find it? To make a long story short, my sister has power of attorney because dad suffers from dementia amongst other things. She is extremely hostile towards me, and resents anything that might represent taking control of the situation (exaggerated by her active alcoholism). I would like to find out what legal rights she has, and would like to seek having a medical power of attorney so I can help with Dad's healthcare decisions. I am concerned that he is being over-medicated for convenience of his care providers.

A. Unfortunately, both financial and health care powers of attorney as well as a living will must be set in place by your father while he is still of sound mind. Depending on the stage of his dementia, that may no longer be possible.

The intent of financial powers of attorney is to give a second person (your sister) the ability to manage the grantor's (your father) financial affairs for the benefit of the grantor. Unfortunately, because financial powers of attorney give the second person the ability to spend the grantor's money without the grantor's permission, financial powers of attorney are often abused by people who steal their parents' money by transferring funds into their own accounts.

For more information about financial and health care powers of attorney, take a look at our Glossary page O-P.

We highly recommend that you speak with an attorney who specializes in elder law. Check the yellow pages in your local telephone directory, or go to the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys' web site. You'll find a link in the upper left corner (just below their logo) that will help you locate an elder law attorney.

Daily Living Solutions

— products for seniors —

As we grow older, it often becomes difficult to use many everyday products because of arthritis and other conditions. If you or a loved one needs a little help – or a lot – we've selected a group of practical and affordable solutions from our affiliated merchants to help overcome those limitations.

Whether you are looking for yourself, or to help an elderly senior continue living in their own home, you'll find a wide variety of supplies and accessories – raised toilet seats, safety rails, incontinence supplies, large-handle eating utensils, pain relief, diabetic supplies, pill splitters and crushers, big-button telephones, canes, walkers, rollators, wheelchairs – and much more.

Everything is sorted into convenient categories in our Solutions for Seniors section.

Caregiving – Finding the money for care at home

A variety of resources can help pay for care at home. We discuss these resources in some detail in our article 12 tips to help you find money (and free resources) for care at home.

Caregiver Tip #2

— Can my father be evicted from his nursing home? —

(a continuation of last month's topic)

In the April 2007 issue of Aging Solutions, we said that federal law now prevents nursing homes from discharging (evicting) patients unless one of several tightly defined situations occurs. However, many visitors to our online Support Group bulletin board report that their parents who are already on Medicaid are frequently discharged even though they clearly can no longer care for themselves.

The confusion arises partly from the fact that most nursing homes wear two hats. First their traditional role is to care for people who can no longer care for themselves. Second, most nursing homes are also certified by Medicare as Skilled Nursing Facilities.

The confusion is compounded when poor people age 65 and older are covered by Medicaid (MediCal in California). Payments for services covered by Medicare are made by Medicare before any payments are made by the Medicaid program. Medicaid is always the "payor of last resort."

When most Medicaid patients age 65 or older are hospitalized, they (like everyone else today) are usually released "quicker and sicker." As a result, they are sent to a skilled nursing facility to recover. While there, they are subject to Medicare's rules for their entire stay, not Medicaid's.

Medicare pays for their recovery in rehab only for the condition that caused their hospitalization:

1. for up to 20 days, plus up to an additional 80 days (Medicaid pays Medicare's copay during this period); or
2. until they have recovered sufficiently that they can safely finish their rehab at home; or
3. until they stop making progress in their recovery,

whichever is shorter. At that time, patients will be discharged, regardless of whatever other problems they may have.

For Medicaid patients who lived in a Medicaid nursing home prior to their hospitalization and rehab, federal law says they can return to their original Medicaid nursing home IF they were away from that nursing home for less than 30 days. After 30 days, their original Medicaid nursing home is free to give their bed to someone else. If that happens, they will have to find another Medicaid nursing home with a vacancy if the nursing home/skilled nursing facility they are in doesn't have a vacant bed, or doesn't want to accept them as a long-term care patient.

Medicaid patients who did not live in a Medicaid nursing home prior to hospitalization and rehab, but who cannot function on their own after their stay in a skilled nursing facility, have a similar problem. The federal government does not have an easy way for them to transition from Medicare's rehab coverage to Medicaid's long-term care. Once again, they will have to find another Medicaid nursing home with a vacancy if the nursing home/skilled nursing facility they are in doesn't have a vacant bed, or doesn't want to accept them as a long-term care patient.

Our visitors ask ...

Q. How can I get good information about the side effects of specific prescription drugs?

A. For the possible side effects of individual prescription drugs, visit MedlinePlus and click on Drugs & Supplements on the left side of the page. MedlinePlus is an extremely valuable and authoritative resource for medical information, Written in plan English, it is a service of the U.S. National Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health. Its information is extensive, well-written, easy-to understand, and covers virtually all diseases, medical conditions, and medications.

We also recommend that you visit Prescription Drug Interactions - Are there special precautions for seniors? More often than most people think, problems with medications are not side effects of individual medications, but are instead the result of the combination of two or more medications or over-the-counter supplements, or sometimes even specific foods.

Recommended Reading and Videos

Many excellent books and videos can help guide you through the caregiving process. For our recommendations, including a brief description of each one, click here.

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is intended as a supplement, not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. More