Caregiver Tip of the Month

Making a few small changes in how we speak and listen when with an older person can have a big effect on improving communication. To accomplish this we often need to modify our normal speaking patterns. For example:

When Speaking

• Try to be at eye level and always avoid standing over someone when they are sitting or in bed.

• Be in their line of vision, not to one side or the other.

• Enunciate and speak at a reasonable rate.

• Change the pitch, not just the volume, of your voice if they are having trouble understanding you.

• Reduce background noise, shut off the TV, close the door, etc.

• Ask if they can hear you okay; don't assume they do just because they are smiling and nodding.

When Listening

• Look at them when they are speaking.

• Allow extra time for them to respond.

• Be sure they are done speaking before you respond.

These suggestions are important as far as the mechanics of communication, but more is needed to make the conversation fruitful and pleasant. We are often rushed and in a hurry, but they aren't. Taking extra time and stretching out the visit may be their objective, while ours may be to get home or back to the office as soon as we know everything is okay. Try to tell them how long you will be staying, and then stay a little longer than you told them.

Most conversations start with the exchange of news, how are you, I am fine, what the kids did yesterday, what did the doctor tell you when you saw him on Tuesday, guess who I ran into yesterday, has the problem with Meals on Wheels gotten solved, etc. Now that the news is over, what do we talk about? Here are a few suggestions to make conversations fun and enjoyable for you both.

• Read a news story about a subject of interest.

• Show and discuss some of the grandchildren's "Refrigerator" art or family photos.

• Ask them about their first pet, grammar school, house they were raised in, how they met their spouse, their wedding, etc.

• Another great old standby is "Do you remember when we -----?"

Taking a little time to plan what you are going to be doing and discussing before your visit, will go a long way to making your conversations pleasant fun and enjoyable, and remember laughter is the best medicine.

Finally, if at all possible, remember to include your loved one in the decisions which affect them. Allow them as much independence as circumstances permit. As their caregiver, it is your responsibility to help them maintain as much control over their lives as possible, not take it away simply because their needs are inconvenient for you. The more you can consult with them, consider their desires, and truly respect them, the happier your relationship will be.

Elder Issues has created their unique Life Ledger Online Services to help family caregivers organize and keep track of important information about their loved ones, safely and confidentially. It is a central resource for a broad range of vital information and on-line storage of Advance Directive documents – so that your loved one's Advance Directives and other vital information can quickly be put into the right hands when and where needed. For more information, including details about their 7-day free trial, click here.

Our visitors ask ...

Q. After she broke her hip, my mother moved in with my husband and me. Her mind is still pretty good. Unfortunately, she's lost most of her hearing. She loves TV (there's nothing wrong with her vision), but turns the volume up so loud that it's hard for us to carry on a normal conversation when her TV is blaring. It's so irritating that I just want to scream. Is there anything that would allow her to hear her favorite TV shows without driving us crazy?

A. Yes, it's called TV Ears. Great for people with mild or moderate hearing loss, TV Ears allows the wearer to clearly hear the TV without turning up the volume and disturbing others. This is accomplished through the use of voice-enhancement technology, which raises hard to hear words above the program's background sound so they'll stand out.

A microchip in the headset dampens sounds below 100 Hz (where background sound exists) and increases the volume of sound above 1000 Hz (where speech frequencies begin). The maximum volume of the TV Ears is 120 dB - almost three times that of other headsets!

Volume, tone, and balance controls allow the wearer to customize the output to match their hearing requirements. They work on all TVs, VCRs, DVDs, video games and stereo systems, and even in most playhouses and movie theaters thanks to their 95KHz infrared technology.

Automatic volume control (AVC) automatically reduces annoying bursts in volume during commercials and channel surfing. It recharges in its base. A 6-foot audio cord, power microphone, headset jack adapter, rechargeable battery, and balance control tool are included. 

For more information, click on TV Ears.

Daily Living Solutions

— products for seniors —

As we grow older, it often becomes difficult to use many everyday products because of arthritis and other conditions. If you or a loved one needs a little help – or a lot – we've selected a group of practical and affordable solutions from our affiliated merchants to help overcome those limitations.

Whether you are looking for yourself, or to help an elderly senior continue living in their own home, you'll find a wide variety of supplies and accessories – raised toilet seats, safety rails, incontinence supplies, large-handle eating utensils, pain relief, diabetic supplies, pill splitters and crushers, big-button telephones, canes, walkers, rollators, wheelchairs – and much more.

Everything is sorted into convenient categories in our Solutions for Seniors section.

Caregiving – Finding the money for care at home

A variety of resources can help pay for care at home. We discussed these resources in some detail beginning with the May 2004 issue of this newsletter and continuing each month through the August issue. To review these newsletters, simply click on Archives and select the issue you want to see.

Our visitors ask ...

Q. My 86-year old mother is living in a very good nursing home. She fell and broke her hip about 4 months ago and has never been the same. She lays in bed all the time, grimaces and moans when you try to move or change her, can't seem to wake up enough to really interact with others. I feel she is over-medicated, but I'm unsure as to what to do.

A. Even though we are not doctors, it seems from your description that your mother may: (1) be over-medicated; (2) be experiencing interactions between her various medications; (3) be depressed; (4) be suffering from dementia, or (5) be suffering from one of several other medical problems. Many curable health conditions (Vitamin B12 deficiency, dehydration, depression, etc.) are often diagnosed as dementia because that is an easy, convenient thing to do. Unfortunately, it can condemn a patient to a permanent decline whereas if the true condition were correctly identified and treated, the patient may recover and once again enjoy life. For more information about the symptoms of major medical conditions that affect the elderly, visit our page, Age Dementia Symptoms. As you will see, we discuss much more than just Dementia and Alzheimer's disease.

Caregiver Tip #2

Make a list of all medications your loved one takes. This includes prescription drugs, over-the-counter drugs such as aspirin and other pain medicines, antacids, herbal remedies, nutritional supplements – even daily multi-vitamins. Include the dosage amounts and instructions for taking them (time of day, with food or between meals, etc.). For prescriptions, include the name of the doctor who prescribed each one and the reason it was prescribed. Take this list with you to ALL of your loved one's medical appointments to help avoid dangerous prescription drugs interactions.

Our visitors ask ...

Q. My brother is pretty much bedbound. I am looking for a pager/alarm type unit to use in the house that he can press and alert other members that he needs something when they are out of voice hearing range. Is there any such thing available?

A. If your brother still has enough strength to press and hold a button, check with Radio Shack, Best Buy or Wal-Mart for a set of walkie-talkies. However, walkie-talkies must be held to be used. As a result, they are easily dropped to the floor where they are useless.

Other family caregivers have found that baby monitors are the solution they need. The monitors are always on and don't have any buttons to press. Once again, we suggest that you check with Radio Shack, Best Buy or Wal-Mart.

Recommended Reading and Videos

Many excellent books and videos can help guide you through the caregiving process. For our recommendations, including a brief description of each one, click here.

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is intended as a supplement, not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. More